yamanai ame da neeee

Friday, December 02, 2005

I look to my left.. i see a box of drawing block.. empty, filled slashed, black, white..
I look to my right.. i see my table. Piled full of things. Chem, maths, testimonial.. my Form A.. alot alot of papers.

Gosh.
By this time last year[and the past few years] my table would have been sparkling.
like really really clean. No eraser dust no pens no books no papers no nothing.
Now, i just don't wanna remove it at all..

It's just this reluctance to move on that i'm quite sure everyone experience from time to time.. and this time, this feeling is stronger then any other time i've felt it before.
I don't want to move on. No, im quite sure i don't.
For once i'm really sure of something in my life. I don't want things to change..
Haha..i know i sound so melancholy argh. But its the truth!

Yeah, i'm already starting to miss everything i had just not so long ago.
My class. My dear dear class room.. omg.. my class mates.
How we slogged.. came to school every morning.. tired but well, happy.
The spirit was so good.. its like we knew we were trying our very best so as not to disappoint those who put all their hopes on us.
You know? Hai.. i dunno how to describe.. but the feeling.. i felt united at that time.
It was great really really great knowing you people.
I don't know if anyone is reading this. But i just wanna tell all of you that all of what we have done together helped me grow.
I know as time past we will soon forget all the individuals.. nothing is forever.
But i will never forget us as a whole and all the funny, lame, stupid, touching things we did together.

Guides? I can't even begin.
From that selfish little brattish me in sec one.. i've changed into.. well, me!
Times in guides are unforgettable.
Really. hai.. omg i feel like crying.
The pride i feel for being in guides is comparable to nothing else in the world.
What else other then guides could have made me cry, laugh, get angry, get sad, sit through this roller coaster ride and come out of it all knowing strong and well in my heart that i still love it?
To all the seniors and juniors in guides.. every single one of you who have crossed my path for better of for worst. I'll miss you.

Celebs.. i dunno how come we ended up together..haha.. but as fate would have it, we did.
Without all of you.. i'm not sure if i could have made it through os.
Night study, helping me laugh even though i know i screwed the paper.. everything lah. Its too much to put in words.
The hotel shit was so so so fun even though we sort of slept through it :D
Swensons 1 am in the morn. Orchard when there was hardly anyone ard.
I'll never experience it with better ppl.

Campchallenge. Vicis.. my prime in my career in guides.
We trained, we laughed, we had lots and lots of fun together..
We may have been a funny group of people.. but without Vicis i wouldn't have had such a great time. Tough, but great.

Mynah. Omg mynah. We're a super patrol!
I know sometimes it seems like i don't care.. but mynah has really been my root in guides.
Without mynah where would i have been?
I know the answer, no where. Because i simply can't imagine me being anywhere else.
Shit im crying.
From sec one till now, i guess its only a real hard fact to say that Mynah has always been there throughout my whole 4 years.
Esther, Valerie, Christine, Rong Siu, Daphne, Eleanor, Aixin, Yanhong, Yining, Jolene, Haining, Munyee, Rachel, Erica, Cynthia, Jiayin, the sec ones...
Looking past all the politics and all that, i really really enjoyed all my time with you guys.

6Ht.. I really really love all of you..
Its amazing how we stayed together for so long even though we all had our own lives.
You guys have been my relief from school life during sec1 and 2.
I remember how we go to recess and laugh and laugh. Oh man..
I'll never ever forget every single one of you.

For all the people who went crazy with me over stars.. :)
Thanks for all that company.
Diana, Fanny, Jiayin and haha Winnie[this is for gg with me even though you dont like them].. All my energy buddies.
Diana! FUNmaiji. miaoSHA. nanding :)
We really really cried and laughed for them.. the bonds we formed because of energy is incredible because who was to know that 2 totally unrelated people became such good friends because of 5 people who are totally unrelated to us?
Thanks for sparing all your time with me.. all that money on phone bill and everything. Screaming with me over the phone. typing incoherent things and sending it uncontrollably to each other. Thank you.
I don't know if i'll meet people like all of you ever again.

Aixin for our Xiao mei times! I LOVE HIM omg i watch the e mo zai shen bian show is so so so nice i cant wait for you to see him in the show (:
Matong for wicked (: yeah.. like Elphaba and Glinda.. i know i've changed for the better.
Remember our date.. if Wicked ever comes to singapore we must must must watch it together.

I dunno if i missed anyone.
But i really wanna say a big thank you because i know that because i knew you[all of you], i have been changed for good :)

Now, for the ugly truth.. im being old and draggy again.. because.
I don't want to face whats up for me next year. and the next and the next.
I fear for everything that is to come from the time i leave st nicks onwards.
10 years is not a short time. Its a decade dammit.
I'm leaving my 2nd home for a decade to some where else where[the teachers always remind us] ppl dont care so much for us anymore. Where the envt is strange and foreign. For once. For once, i'll feel lost going to school. For once, i'll miss seeing fat choo every morn on the sweltering field. For once, i'll miss Ms Tan screaming at us during her funny mood swings. For once, i'll miss going down for assembly every thursday afternoon. For once, i'll miss everything that i once dreaded in st nicks.

Next year will be so different, so, so different.

8:34 PM